We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
