Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
