Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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