May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
