she was so not down for the gang bang
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
