I feel like abortions should bother me more
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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