what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
love makes seman taste better
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
