I wannas sexs uuuuu
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
