I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
