i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
