I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
