Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
