i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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