Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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