I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
