I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
