no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
