Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
