did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize