I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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