We won't sleep together?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
