I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
