i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
