I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
