So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
