Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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