I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
