My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
