Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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