You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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