i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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