Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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