I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
