Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
