im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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