im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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