yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
