I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Randomize
