I wish you could order shots online.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
