I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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