Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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