3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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