Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
