I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
