8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
