I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
