My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
