I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
