I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
