he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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