More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
