Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
