no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
