His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
