I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
