Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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