i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my poor anus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
