I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
