You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
