now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
