dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
